I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
