I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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