Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
