What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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