remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
