I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
