non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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