I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
