That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
