some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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