Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
