TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
