I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
