Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
