just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
