Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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