Got a toothbrush?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
