dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
