I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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