i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
