You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
