Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
