I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
