based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I deserve this hangover.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
