I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
