My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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