I accidentally had phone sex last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
