Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
