who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i drank out of a bidet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
