And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
