strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
