yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
