You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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