Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
