After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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