the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
