good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
