Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
