i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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