I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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