We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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