I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
