I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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