I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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