i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
