So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
