i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
