Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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