I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
