Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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