My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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