apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
