One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
